Category Archives: Faith

Day 11 & 12: Works, Wisdom, & Baby Things

There are just some days that I don’t feel like writing, no reason in particular just I want to be lazy. The night before my daughter actually was in her bed from 7pm – 5:30am! Major shock! But I knew it was just for one night and sure enough little one decided she wanted to eat at 1am last night.

Since she was born, I had a terrible time trying to figure out what formula she needed. I attempted, like with my son, to breast feed but I had a very traumatic c-section and recovery and I physically just could not do it, when I knew of a fantastic alternative. My son thrived on formula so I had no problem relieving some of my stress and switch her to that. Plus in the hospital, her blood sugar was too high and we had to feed her formula to help regulate her. Also I was so happy with the hospital for not making me feel bad when I wanted to supplement with formula. Only one nurse was a you know what about it, but all the rest were willing to do whatever I needed to make me comfortable. For my son the nurses literally never brought me the formula I kept requesting to the point that night when I got home I was in so much pain we decided to give my son formula and it was like he desperately found what he wanted. Not knowing at the time I wasn’t producing anything in all my attempts to breastfeed. With my daughter, the minute I came home my milk came in full force and I tried pumping for over an hour to only produce half of an ounce. So anyway, formula we switched and switched (giving proper time in between) until I realized that it wasn’t the type of formula but the consistency. I switch her to the liquid ready to feed version of the formula she was on and sure enough we’ve been on that ever since. But there are problems with it, it’s in a container that once it’s open you have to put it in the refrigerator and warm the milk up when you want to use it. So my daughter who is not the mot patient baby in the world has to wait her 7 minutes for the coffee cup of water to heat up and then for her bottle to warm, which most of the time ends in her screaming her head off (especially in the middle of the night). Sometimes I can plan it to where when I first open the container is in the middle of the night which works out pretty well, but she’s eating more these days and most of the time it doesn’t work out. So I decided to try giving her powder again so that way I can make a bottle quick. To save on money, I tried the store version of her formula and she drank it last night but not very much of it, lol! I figure I’ll do this to maybe she if it will deter her from wanting a bottle at night. Oh well, we’ll see.

Yesterday’s devotional was all about: When I am tempted to think that my status depends on what I do. Now the actual lesson didn’t really fit with what this is saying. I get what it’s trying to say but I didn’t really feel like it was speaking to me. So I decided to think of it like this. I struggle all the time with accepting that I am a stay at home mom.

My generation went to college. There was no other way at least with the group of individuals I hung out with in high school. We were to go to college, get a job, and hopefully start a career. Unfortunately, I only did the first two. I could never find the place I truly felt like I belonged. As much as my personal life reflected this, my professional life did as well. I found I was hard-working for not so trustworthy people, I tend to do my job too well which is returned with jealousy among some of the more questionable people I worked with ove the years. But just like life, each job that I had I found some really good people and mostly stay in positions a lot longer than I wanted because of those particular people. I did know when it was time to move on, so when I had my son there was no question, I would stay home with him. Fast forward 6 years, and I am still at home with my children but not making any money. This has been very difficult to process at times. Since I was 14, I have been paying my way one way or another. I paid my bills and took care of myself. The last 6 years I have really had to come to terms with my husband paying for things and me managing the household. I do realize that what I do, is far greater than any job I could have, but at times it can be hard. This is where I want to try to turn to my faith. My status as a stay at home mom does not define me. I am carrying for the next generation, and my hope is that my children will be successful and good human beings. Again, this is something that my faith will give me comfort when I have those moments of doubt about myself.

This brings us to today’s devotional about Wisdom.

We are given a very brief amount of time on this planet, but what we do here can have an eternal impact on ourselves and others. 

Without having the wisdom of God, we can possibly go down the wrong path and make self-defeating decisions. We all know what those decisions can be. I know better than most how little time we have on this earth. I was only given 11 and 14 years with my parents. I don’t really have many memories before about 4, so I really only had 7 years of memories with my dad, and about 10 with my mom. Think about that for a second. Most of the time you have animals longer, friendships longer, clothing longer! Even though I only had them for a short time, the impact they had on my life was immeasurable. The highest compliment I can give my parents is that even though I only had them for such a short time, I knew every single day that I was loved. There are people walking this earth that can have their parents for 90+ years and cannot say that. I feel eternally grateful for the time I did have with them, and for them giving me the tools to be able to (some what) live on without them. That is all I can do for my children. For them to know every single day, that I devoted my whole life to them. In hopes that when they become adults, we have given them the tools to be healthy and happy. I will end this post with the prayer I say several times a day, usually every time I get in the car and when I go to bed at night.

Lord please keep my family safe, please keep them healthy, and continue to watch over us. Amen. 

Yay for Friday!!! Time is just flying soon it will be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and then the start of 2019. Time really does fly when you are living your best life!

Day 10 – Living in the Spirit

When I am frustrated with my own efforts

Have you ever been frustrated by your Christian growth? No one is perfect and I know that better than anyone. I constantly struggle with my efforts to become a better Christian. But what constitutes a better Christian? I struggled with going to church every Sunday. When you try a church and it’s just not for you but you stay because you think that’s the right thing to do. I am a very spiritual person but I have my own ideas and feelings towards the whole aspect to Christianity. So when I go into a church that preaches you aren’t a real Christian unless you go to church, just completely rubs me the wrong way. My childhood church was not a stressed event. Both of my parents worked full time and my mother worked on Saturdays, so Sundays were our family day. Plus I think because my father grew up in the church, he had some resentment towards the whole thing. Just something else I never got to discuss with my parents. So I was fortunate as I grew older, I was able to decide where and what I wanted to believe. Again, that’s the reason why I love to study different religions. My heart was always in Christianity so when I had my own children, I knew I wanted to give them a base to get their spiritual journey started. Growing up, I didn’t know all the stories of the Bible, so when I did go to Sunday school and I didn’t know the answers it made me very anxious. Now, I am more knowledgable about things but just don’t ask me to quote anything, lol!

After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? Galatians 3:3

I’m happy I am at a place in my life where I can worship the way I want to. Where going to church doesn’t make me feel like I don’t belong or even have to. Going on the Sundays that I can and if I can’t that’s okay. Like I said before I would like to venture off and meet more people possibly get more involved but I don’t have to rush it. There is no perfect Christian and as long as I hold onto my faith, I will always have a way.

Have a wonderful day!

Day 9 – Loving Others

I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. John 13:34

This devotion is something that I hold very dear to me. When Jesus told his disciples that He was giving them a new commandment: to love one another. This wasn’t new in the Old testament commandments but that He made it more than just love your neighbor like you would love yourself. He went much deeper, to make sacrifices for them, to seek their good above your own. This is defining what real love is. To love each other the way that Jesus loved us, sacrificing his own life for everyone else. We can only strive to achieve that kind of love for each other.

Like I said yesterday, love is my main focus when it comes to religion. I have a loving and caring God. I have a God who watches out for me, protects me, and shows me the path in which I should take. I want to love each person and thing around me every single day. There are times when I feel alone and there are times when I feel supportive and loved. That’s just in human nature. I ask you, the 10 people who read my blog, lol, to strive each day to make you let the people around you know you love them. Don’t just tell them, show them. Little acts of kindness go so very far. When I have people who sacrifice their time to help me, to go with me places, to watch my children. Those are all acts of love. When my best friend and I talk every day just to say hi sometimes and that we love each other, that’s love. When I haven’t spoken to others in a while because of how busy our lives have been lately, but when we do talk it’s like a breath of fresh air, that’s love. The moments I share with my little family, that’s all love. Just like what Harry Potter’s main theme is: Love conquers all. Love is the most powerful magic in the world. The ability to love is completely free and should be given to every single soul on the planet. I knew without a doubt that my parents loved me until their dying breath. Unfortunately not everyone can say that. So I make sure to tell my children several times a day that I love them. My son will even randomly tell me… “Mommy”…”Yes, baby”….”I love you.” No sweeter words than that. For a six year old to say if something very special.

Take today to tell someone you know that you love them and go the extra mile and show them. You never know who needs it and how much you can affect their life.

If you are reading this and feel low, just know that I love and care about you. You are not alone and if you ever need to talk, I am here. I honestly think that if we show each other a little more love the world would be such a better place.

 

365 Daily Devotions – Day 8 – Accountability

When I need to consider carefully how I am using my life.

This devotion was something that has hit home for me lately. That when we pass we will have to be accountable for every wrong we have done. This can be very scary for every person on the planet. We are not perfect, we all have our faults and we have all sinned. But this is not meant to frighten us because we already have the assurance of the forgiveness in Christ. Now I am sure every religion has their own way of handling this aspect but this is something that I really love about being a Christian. Is the love we have in Christ. My God is a loving God. But it also means that I will strive every day to be worthy of this love.

The LORD sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. Proverbs 5:21

I feel like I am a good person, I don’t get in trouble, I strive for each day to be the best I can. I raise my children the best I can, I take care of my family, I try to be a good friend. I know that I am not perfect but I try each day to make it work. Some days are of course better than others. Last night was the absolute worse, I am at my lowest at night. I need sleep. I lose my temper and I get upset when I know my daughter doesn’t know any better. She cannot understand that Mommy needs her sleep and Mommy also has to be there for her brother to get him to school. I have personal issues to get through and my children don’t know it so I work on each day to be a better person. One of my favorite quotes ever is:

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.” – Anne of Green Gables

I hold onto that quote to get through the hard times. Now where you consider “tomorrow” is your own opinion, running on maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night the days run together, lol.

Accountability can also be about others as well. Those that want to be in your life and stay in your life, are the people worth having in your life. I find that friends and family come and go in my life, but most of the time I find myself alone. The hard nights all I pray for is for someone to help me and my husband. I feel so bad him staying up with me because I know he has to go out and work a physically demanding job all day. I would love for someone to help me at night. Take the night shift with the baby, that would be amazing. I also would love to find someone to help me with my house. It’s an absolute disaster, I need help with my organizing and deep cleaning. I really can’t afford to hire any one but I might need to look into it. Because something has got to give. I pray that I can find patience with my child and with myself. I need to let go of the preconceived notions of what I think should happen, and just do what I need to do. I will keep praying that tomorrow will be a better day, that tonight will be a better night. That is all I can do.

 

Day 7 – A Reflection on Greatness

Anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 18:4

We start out in this world, so very innocent and pure. It’s our environment and experiences that shape the way we live in this world. To constantly aspire to be childlike in the way we think about God is something to work on everyday. To have their blind faith that the world is a good place and that God is absolute is an aspect of life that is difficult for me to grasp at times. But if you think about it, that’s part of life: Aspiring to greatest.

Today was church again, another great service. I love the singing and worshiping that goes on. It makes me feel good when I leave no matter what else happens afterwards. My son really enjoys going and I am so glad he does. I never grew up in church so I struggled in adulthood to find somewhere I felt comfortable being. I am a firm believer on you do not have to go to church to be a good Christian but nevertheless I enjoy going because I feel closer to God. I do want to venture out and meet some more people and perhaps get more involved in the church but my lovely little antisocial introvert that I am makes it difficult to take that next step. Maybe one day 🙂

Well I need to make this a short post, my daughter is crying after falling asleep like 20 minutes ago, ugh. No rest for this Mommy.

Day 6 – A Reflection on Idolatry

This is a short lesson today, very appropriate with it being a Saturday and I have so much to catch up on since I was pretty distracted this week. Laundry piled up and I would love to get a shower in, lol. But I figured since my son is here playing with my daughter and my first load of laundry is in the wash, I would do today’s devotion.

“When I am trying to serve both God and something else.” 

At first it had me thinking, I’ve never truly believed in anything else. There have been times in my life where I was interested in other religions but mostly just for study because I find religion interesting in general. The good, the bad, and the extreme I find myself watching documentaries and reading books on other religions because I find that in most cases whatever anyone believes is their own personal decision. Now those who are in cults against their will or being abused is certainly not the place to be. But for the most part other religions give people what is most important in life, belief. To not believe in anything, I personally feel is very scary because of the unknown when we pass. I hold onto the belief that I will see my parents again and in some very low moments of my life, is the only thing I can hold onto.

But as I went into the devotion, I realized that this is not what it means. It means thinking you can serve two “God’s” at the same time. Thinking that something else in your life is more important or higher up than God. For example, say you are dedicated 100% to your work, to where you stop seeing family, stop doing the things you love, and think that you work is the most important thing in your life. You are serving both God and you think that you have to serve your work just as high. That is not healthy.

No one can serve two masters. Matthew 6:24

You hear that children, lol! Just kidding. God should be #1 in your life and everything else will work out because of it.

Baby girl slept a little better last night, or rather I made the decision to get out of her room. I want to sleep in my bed again. So I turned the baby monitor on its lowest setting and made it a point to go to sleep in my bed. I was so physically and mentally exhausted that it wasn’t difficult. I woke up about midnight thinking I should probably go and check on her, but I decided against it. She’s old enough now to where she would cry out if something was wrong. About 4:30 she woke up and wanted to eat, wasn’t crying but talking in her crib. Got her up and fed her and put her back into bed with us. Her thinking it was time to be awake took a good hour before she went back to sleep but I was able to sleep until about 8:30 this morning which was wonderful. Now it’s 10:30 and she’s fussing so I guess it’s time for a nap. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Day 4 & 5 – God’s Plan & Gratitude

 

Well I already slacked on my commitment to write every day. Just say the last day and a half has been stressful. Yesterday I literally did not have a single moment to myself to sit down and write. The day before I received a major test of my faith. I broke down and became scared and didn’t know what I was going to do. I had my moment, but I had to get back to my responsibilities. I am so glad I started this journey when I did because it really brought things into perspective that I needed God fully in my life. So yesterday’s devotion “God’s Plan” was perfect. Things happen for a reason and even though life will throw us curve balls everywhere we turn, I have to keep my faith that things will be okay. At the same time today’s devotion is about giving thanks to God for all he has done. I thank Him for my family, my husband, my children, my dog. This adult life is such a breathe of fresh air compared to my childhood. I am incredibly lucky and thankful for everything he has given me.

Last night was another stressful night, my daughter kept me up for some reason or another last night. She’s such a loud sleeper, when she tosses and turns she cries out and of course I think she’s awake or needs her paci, so I get up and find it and sometimes she takes it sometimes not, but it wakes me up. I fall back asleep and the same thing happens multiple times. Well around 4am she decided she wanted to wake so I put her in bed with me and it took about an hour but she fell back asleep without needing a bottle. Praise the Lord! But that meant I didn’t sleep. So another hazy day for me. I need to clean my house so bad, laundry is piling up, and I need to start taking better care of myself but how can I do any of those things with no sleep? I envy those who have a house cleaner, or nanny, or night nurse, or anyone that comes in and helps because that just doesn’t happen around here. I am so incredibly grateful that I can remain home and be there for my children but sometimes those who stay at home need some help from time to time. Oh well, hope everyone has a great weekend. I am so glad it’s Friday!

Day 3- Light

While the baby is taking her morning nap and I’m struggling to get this fall festival basket put together, I thought I would take a moment to do my daily devotional. I realize that some days will be more enlightening than others and that some days I might not have anything to add to what they say or some personal experience to share so I’ll try to reflect as much as I can while also sharing bits of my personal journey. Last night me and the baby slept better, praise God! I prayed so hard as I went to sleep last night that she would stay in her bed all night or rather that she wouldn’t wake to eat at 1:30 again, lol. I got upset last night putting her to bed because she was so very fussy and realized that I needed to be more understanding, she had been up for several hours and was overly tired. I who only got 3 hours sleep the night before let my exhaustion overtake my understanding of her needs and I regret losing my cool. But like yesterday told me I need to put my regrets in the past and focus on the present.

That being said today’s devotion is “When I need Jesus to illuminate my thinking.” What happens when we first encounter light after being in the dark? Our eyes burn and we turn away from the light to the more comfortable state of the dark until our eyes can adjust to the change. This is a great way to think about what we do to God. It is more comfortable to move away from Him and not let Him into our hearts because of how much we have to adjust our life. We sin every single day and your definition of sin can be very personal so I will never go into my personal beliefs in a way that would reflect that your own personal beliefs are not correct so don’t worry there. But it is so easy to think that because of these sins, God will never forgive or help you move past them. But you are wrong. Opening our hearts to God and allowing your God to help guide you to a better life is something I hold on to so very much. No matter where I am on my personal spiritual journey, I know that God is with me every step of the way.

[Jesus said] “I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark” John 12:46

I will to pray that Jesus will continue to shine his light on my family and continue to watch over us because I no longer want to be in the dark. I want to feel the comfort and protection of the light.

Today is a somewhat of quite day, I hope, lol. Once baby wakes up I am going to feed her and walk around the neighborhood with my friend and neighbor. I am so grateful to make friends in my neighborhood. Our last neighborhood I did not talk to a single person more than a passing wave and this neighborhood in the beginning felt like there was a click, so I was worried. But I have met a lot of good people and have comfort in knowing that if something happened, I had several people to go to.

I need to finish this fall festival basket. I was asked to be Room Mom and the biggest responsibility is creating this basket. Well the shrink-wrap didn’t turn out the way I wanted so now I am hoping to get a clear plastic bag to wrap it in, just something else I need to go and get, lol. I’ll be glad when it’s at the school but I worry it will not bring enough money for the school. Just something else I have decided not to truly worry about and leave it in God’s hands. Would you bid on this?….

      ffbasket44

It’s a “Pampering Mom” gift basket! So many awesome things plus several things on the bottom that just didn’t fit above. It’s actually valued at over $500!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday! I really think these daily posts is helping me reflect more of my life and I hope to create some other posts soon with recipes or ideas. I am also creating a Spotify playlist to hopefully give light to others who need some inspirational music.

Day 2 Devotion – Regret

Welcome back to my 365 Daily Devotion series! It is only Day 2 and the Lord is already testing me, lol! We had another rough night with the baby. Hands down she is just not a great sleeper. Let me correct that, she does sleep just not for that all night stretch sort of thing. By now my son was sleeping 10+ hours at a time. Sometimes my daughter will and the past few nights she had been going from 8-8:30 till 6-6:15 which is great but she is stirring and waking throughout that time and I am rushing to put her paci back into her mouth because if she wakes up she wants to eat. Well I thought last night that since she had been doing great lately sleeping those times I would stay up a little bit. And by a little bit sometime after 10pm, lol. For once I spent some time with my husband without the kids around. Well the second I went to sleep, she started stirring. Around 11, then around 1. By 1:30 it was full force she was demanding to eat and not going back to sleep. Me not getting proper sleep means I lose my temper and get super upset and every morning I always regret how I have acted but I am just SO over it. There is no reason for her to wake up like that when she eats enough during the day. So I fed her and I finally went back to sleep at around 2:30 – 5:30. Yay for 3 hours! Not great when I have to get ready today and go get a mammogram. Anyway that’s my rant let’s get to the devotion.

“When I feel paralyzed because of my past.” There are no truer words. Regrets can haunt our everyday life when we are constantly back in our past. Keeping faith in God can help you move forward. This hit me so hard today, exactly what I needed. I find myself constantly living in the past which unfortunately dictates my anxiety. It’s difficult to explain but when you lose both of your parents at such an influential stage in life it has repercussions that no other stage would have. I have tried to explain it to people as best as I can, but when times get tough I resort to my 14-year-old emotional state. The year I lost my mom and became an orphan. Imagine how you were at 14. How those emotions took you over and you couldn’t control your feelings. That’s what builds my anxiety to its breaking point. I have a lot to work on but I am trying to put my trust in God more and more each day. I’m really enjoying a lot of the newer Christian music that seems to be calling me lately. I usually find my faith and spirituality through music. It’s my therapy and my life line.

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race.” Philippians 3:13-14

How do you handle your regret? Putting your faith in God to help guide you through those difficult times can give you a bit of comfort during those rough times. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever truly let go of my past because that would mean letting go of my parent’s memory. But my little regrets throughout the day or mistakes I make I can fully move past them because no one is perfect and nothing in your past can thwart God’s plan.

Please say a silent prayer for me today, I am getting my yearly mammogram. I’m reaching one of my big years that will be difficult for me…35. In a few years I will be the year that my mom was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The year that changed my whole family’s life. Little did I know at 8 years old I would only have a little more than 7 years with my mother and only 3 more years with my father. So please lift me up in prayer that my scans come back clear and I have remained healthy. Thank you Lord for all you have given me.

365 Days of Devotions – Day 1

devotions2

So I’ve been trying to think of something to do on my blog every day. Just a quick little update of the day and really try to stick with something. Well today has proven that most of my day is extremely hectic.  It’s 4:30pm and I still have things to do. Looks like it might not work out but I’ll try and make something work. You might think that us stay at home mom’s don’t do anything but I got news for you we do. We do all the unspoken things that make a family’s life function. I get 3 breaks a day most only lasting maybe 45-1 hour A.K.A when she naps. Most of those three times I am eating, lol but I wanted to add a little to my day. I finally started to go back to church since my daughter has been born and already I feel like it is making a difference in my life. Right now my husband has been staying home with her but I hope to soon be able to bring her on the day’s my husband wants to join us. It is nice because it gives me alone time with my son and gives him one on one time with our daughter so even though we are not together as one family unit, the bonds we are creating are wonderful. Well I wanted my own Bible study but in a way I could do in everyday life. Enter in a 365 Pocket Devotions. It’s a small orange book and it is very simple daily lesson and scripture. I hope to be able to discuss this on my blog or at least let you join me in my devotions.

Taken from 365 Pocket Devotions Inspiration and Renewal for Each New Day by Chris Tiegreen

Day 1- A reflection on Knowing God.  When we want to have a closer relationship with God.

I find that I constantly struggle with this concept. Basically we come to Jesus with our own personal needs when in fact we need to develop our personal relationship with God and by knowing God our sins will be forgiven. I’ve definitely opened my heart more to God as I have gotten older. I struggled during my very traumatic times because I often wondered what I had done to deserve the life I was given. I was fortunate to go to church with my friend’s family and it really helped me. As an adult I struggled with where I fit inside a church. So many were so daunting because they were such tight-knit communities of people and with my antisocial tendencies I was always too afraid to start. My wonderful neighbors opened their hearts and I started going to church with them and I am extremely grateful. I like that I can sit alone and worship and do not have to be a part of the whole group to feel I belong. I hope that one day I do venture out and meet more people but for right now this is enough. Allowing my heart to know God will forgive me for my sins and watch over me is very confronting. Allowing God to take over gives me a sense of comfort I so desperately needed.

I hope you enjoy my little journey to better know myself and to allow myself to open up more to you…

If you would like to join me on this journey, I can pick up a book for you it was only $2.99! It would be fun to do this with others and get others feedback on this journey.