There are just some days that I don’t feel like writing, no reason in particular just I want to be lazy. The night before my daughter actually was in her bed from 7pm – 5:30am! Major shock! But I knew it was just for one night and sure enough little one decided she wanted to eat at 1am last night.
Since she was born, I had a terrible time trying to figure out what formula she needed. I attempted, like with my son, to breast feed but I had a very traumatic c-section and recovery and I physically just could not do it, when I knew of a fantastic alternative. My son thrived on formula so I had no problem relieving some of my stress and switch her to that. Plus in the hospital, her blood sugar was too high and we had to feed her formula to help regulate her. Also I was so happy with the hospital for not making me feel bad when I wanted to supplement with formula. Only one nurse was a you know what about it, but all the rest were willing to do whatever I needed to make me comfortable. For my son the nurses literally never brought me the formula I kept requesting to the point that night when I got home I was in so much pain we decided to give my son formula and it was like he desperately found what he wanted. Not knowing at the time I wasn’t producing anything in all my attempts to breastfeed. With my daughter, the minute I came home my milk came in full force and I tried pumping for over an hour to only produce half of an ounce. So anyway, formula we switched and switched (giving proper time in between) until I realized that it wasn’t the type of formula but the consistency. I switch her to the liquid ready to feed version of the formula she was on and sure enough we’ve been on that ever since. But there are problems with it, it’s in a container that once it’s open you have to put it in the refrigerator and warm the milk up when you want to use it. So my daughter who is not the mot patient baby in the world has to wait her 7 minutes for the coffee cup of water to heat up and then for her bottle to warm, which most of the time ends in her screaming her head off (especially in the middle of the night). Sometimes I can plan it to where when I first open the container is in the middle of the night which works out pretty well, but she’s eating more these days and most of the time it doesn’t work out. So I decided to try giving her powder again so that way I can make a bottle quick. To save on money, I tried the store version of her formula and she drank it last night but not very much of it, lol! I figure I’ll do this to maybe she if it will deter her from wanting a bottle at night. Oh well, we’ll see.
Yesterday’s devotional was all about: When I am tempted to think that my status depends on what I do. Now the actual lesson didn’t really fit with what this is saying. I get what it’s trying to say but I didn’t really feel like it was speaking to me. So I decided to think of it like this. I struggle all the time with accepting that I am a stay at home mom.
My generation went to college. There was no other way at least with the group of individuals I hung out with in high school. We were to go to college, get a job, and hopefully start a career. Unfortunately, I only did the first two. I could never find the place I truly felt like I belonged. As much as my personal life reflected this, my professional life did as well. I found I was hard-working for not so trustworthy people, I tend to do my job too well which is returned with jealousy among some of the more questionable people I worked with ove the years. But just like life, each job that I had I found some really good people and mostly stay in positions a lot longer than I wanted because of those particular people. I did know when it was time to move on, so when I had my son there was no question, I would stay home with him. Fast forward 6 years, and I am still at home with my children but not making any money. This has been very difficult to process at times. Since I was 14, I have been paying my way one way or another. I paid my bills and took care of myself. The last 6 years I have really had to come to terms with my husband paying for things and me managing the household. I do realize that what I do, is far greater than any job I could have, but at times it can be hard. This is where I want to try to turn to my faith. My status as a stay at home mom does not define me. I am carrying for the next generation, and my hope is that my children will be successful and good human beings. Again, this is something that my faith will give me comfort when I have those moments of doubt about myself.
This brings us to today’s devotional about Wisdom.
We are given a very brief amount of time on this planet, but what we do here can have an eternal impact on ourselves and others.
Without having the wisdom of God, we can possibly go down the wrong path and make self-defeating decisions. We all know what those decisions can be. I know better than most how little time we have on this earth. I was only given 11 and 14 years with my parents. I don’t really have many memories before about 4, so I really only had 7 years of memories with my dad, and about 10 with my mom. Think about that for a second. Most of the time you have animals longer, friendships longer, clothing longer! Even though I only had them for a short time, the impact they had on my life was immeasurable. The highest compliment I can give my parents is that even though I only had them for such a short time, I knew every single day that I was loved. There are people walking this earth that can have their parents for 90+ years and cannot say that. I feel eternally grateful for the time I did have with them, and for them giving me the tools to be able to (some what) live on without them. That is all I can do for my children. For them to know every single day, that I devoted my whole life to them. In hopes that when they become adults, we have given them the tools to be healthy and happy. I will end this post with the prayer I say several times a day, usually every time I get in the car and when I go to bed at night.
Lord please keep my family safe, please keep them healthy, and continue to watch over us. Amen.
Yay for Friday!!! Time is just flying soon it will be Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and then the start of 2019. Time really does fly when you are living your best life!